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Wars and rumors of wars….earthquakes in diverse places. I’ve always wondered if there was a town in Nevada or West Texas somewhere named “Diverse Places.”

In my last missive, I revealed a bit of my view on genetics and DNA and human generations and interconnectedness. Quite intertwined – the topic of war. And I’ve long puzzled on why we have them.

If we comb through recorded human history, it’s a herculean task to find 10 generations absent of a major war between significant humanoid groups. We just fight and squabble all the time. It is a rawly competitive world among all life on earth – a 24×7 quest to both have a lunch and not be featured on the menu. All life must eat and almost all life on earth is potential prey to something. But human wars are not really an individual sport. Large masses of people are engaged both as participants and innocent bystanders and oddly, in this case, we don’t eat what we kill.

Because of the large scale destruction of buildings and crops and property, never mind the wanton slaughter of thousands or in some cases millions of people, it should be evident that war is a very rare event. But it isn’t. Indeed, it is so common a case could be made that the normal state of man is to be more or less continously at war with the rare odd year of exhaustion simply causing a natural lull in activity.

Why?

As I said, there are huge motivators simply not to have it at all and you would think that millenia ago we would all have pretty much bred the urge to war out of the species – if nothing else, by killing off at a young age all who participated.

We didn’t. We do it now. And we appear to intend to do it forever.

All things in motion owe that to some force causing them to be in motion. There really are no irrational exceptions. So what is the force or “purpose” for war.

The question always stirs up various explanations of specific purported “reasons” for specific wars. But they are irrationally varied. A quest for scarce resources, religion, ideas, to end slavery? Land? Power? Gold? The excuses for slaughtering large numbers of people are so varied it implies that a ham sandwich would qualify. Indeed a case could be made that the commonalities were simply CLASSES of reasons for war and every war has a unique cause in reality. In examining the causes of wars, we might well be simply reading messages from God in cloud formations.

There is such a thing as thinking too deeply. Why do we really have wars? Instead of reasons, let’s look at what all wars FEATURE. It is very simple and we’ve known it for many generations. Rape, Pillage and Plunder. That is what all wars have in common. No real exceptions to rape, pillage and plunder. So let’s talk about what all wars have in common and ignore for the moment the advertised motivations.

First, who fight wars? Well, if you are to have any chance of success, you need large numbers of strong humanoids at the peak of their physical health and prowess. And that means young males. Eight year-olds are curiously ineffective but 20-year-olds server very well.  Males are larger, stronger, and by hormone more aggressive than females. That is post adolescent or more to the point post pubescent males. After about age 35, not so much. Waning testosterone and endurance make quarterbacks and major league pitchers a rarity after age 35.

Second, where do we fight wars? Well ideally, somewhere else. You see if you fight them here, we might lose some buildings and some innocent civilians. So to go to war, we want to assemble a LARGE number of strong young virile men and immediately march them SOMEWHERE ELSE to attack a prospective enemy for whatever “reason” the leader effectively communicates as being an excellent or at least salable idea.

Third, who wins? It is actually rare for anyone to assemble a group of 300 virile young men and march them 20 miles across the valley to attack a peaceful hamlet of 200,000 virile young men encamped there. I don’t know that its never happened, but if it did happen we would likely not hear much about it as all the attackers would be dead and very few of the attacked would have noticed or thought it otherwise a story to pass on.

And finally, what is the aftermath of victory? Rape, Pillage and Plunder.

Rape is the propensity for a hundred thousand or so young virile 20-something males running out of men to slaughter and noticing the large number of women in the area. We revere women and so rather than slaughter them we simply throw them face first to the ground and rape them with as much enthusiasm as a twenty-year-old in the throes of a testosterone storm can muster.

Pillaging is of course redundant with plunder. But I think of pillage as more about property destruction. We like to set victory fires after a good battle and buildings are just really good at creating very large fires to celebrate victory and to prevent any near term response by an enemy who has no shelter now.

And then of course the best part – plunder – really a part or extension of pillage. We gather up all the gold, money, nice fabrics, weapons, and STUFF to the extent that a person can carry it, which pretty much limits us to the gold, and march back home with the booty. Take a few slaves – children and the more comely women perhaps.

And the poor vanquished tribe is left with the ruins. All their old decrepit rotting disease and vermin riddled buildings have been burned to the ground. They will over the course of time rebuild with brand NEW buildings and streets and so forth, FEMA or no.

They will have to work hard because if they are to eat, all their food and money have been taken.

And of course, they are mostly women left and they are essentially all pregnant.

And so this inbred little tribe of dwarf cross-eyed peace lovers, squatting in their rat infested disease riddled buildings, suddenly have a huge infusion of new genetic material, build all new buildings and infrastructure, and of course unemployment hits a new low particularly among blacks and Latinos. And of course haunted by the defeat, they start fashioning shiny new weapons using the latest technology and building walls to defend their hovels from future attacks.  Never again.

And what do the victors get? Well they get the gold. And the old hacked up weapons. And a little bit of genetic material in the form of quite attractive slaves really that they just couldn’t bear to leave behind.

Recall that I said that it is unquestionable that in almost ALL cases genetic cross-hybridization is inherently healthy, producing bigger, stronger, longer-lived and smarter disease-resistant offspring. And genetic inbreeding fosters diabetes, dwarfism, hip displasia, vision problems, and cleft palates. Ultimately insanity.  What’s better than winning the special olympics?  Not being retarded in the first place.

And so in a generation or so, the vanquished become a race of relative super humans, and the victors become increasingly dwarfish and cross-eyed. Until one day…

And the vanquished then march thousands of very healthy young virile men BACK across the valley to attack the victors and celebrate their victory with, of course Rape, Pillage, and Plunder.

I haven’t even yet introduced the concept of a Navy. But that is of course where the highest concentrations of seamen are quartered.

And so we see that regardless of what REASONS are given for having wars, the outcomes are not nearly as varied. Rape, Pillage and Plunder. And in this way the human race continuously renews the paint and carpet in their accommodations, but more importantly the genetic DNA material used to produce varied and adaptive  humanoids. Given sufficient clans, and sufficient wars and sufficient means to cover ever greater distances, we wind up with a global weather pattern for DNA. Everybody is “getting their share” as famed philosopher Bob Seeger so cogently pointed out in his classic thesis “Night Moves.”

And so the fascination with heroic young men. They really are the heroes but lest we forget the vestal virgins, they play a key role as well. Any remaining wonder why war is our most popular contact sport?
The postgame contact is of course the more important. An excellent example of all this gets really bizarre – check out the mythology surrounding Rome’s Rape of the Sabine women. They abducted women from a neighboring tribe and a war ensued when the furious fathers and brothers attacked Rome. By the time all this really got underway, the abducted women were mostly pregnant, and threw themselves INTO the melee to stop it imploring all that they either lost their new husbands or their fathers and the two groups should live in peace. Indeed, they wound up jointly ruling Rome for about 5 years and the Sabines simply assimilated into Roman society.

Americans of course have always been excellent at this – spawning blue-eyed darlings by the millions across Asia in the previous century. We have simply gotten very good at doing much with even a small group of young men and of course our ability to “project” on a global basis  using ships and planes has emerged as even more successful than the British, upon whose’ Navy and seamen the sun simply never set.

But the modern age has brought air travel to the masses and cruise ships are available at even bargain basement rates to the deplorables. While the geriatrics were the first to be able to afford such things it has gradually worked the availability down to younger and younger peoples over the decades. With all this global travel and romance, is war really necessary any longer?

I see signs of its demise. The biological imperative to rape, pillage and plunder just isn’t what it once was. It’s possible that war has outlived its utility. Today anyone can travel anywhere in the world at really quite trivial expense and exchange body fluids at will with little difficulty.

My wife celebrates her birthday on September 11th and can vouch for the truth of my narrative. On that morning in 2001, we watched in fascination the attack on the twin towers in New York. Her with horror, me more with fascination. In response to her exclamation, I turned to her at 10:30 that morning and replied “Yes, my dear. It IS a shame what they’ve done to us here. But you’ve seen nothing yet. Wait till you see what we are about to do to ourselves. It will be a shitshow beyond belief.”

It may surprise you that I am not only a big fan of Donald Trump, but share very little of his idealogy, which I rather detect he’s not too wed to either. And I DID share all the espoused ideology of both Presidents Bush but really deplored them both as only a true deplorable can. I found them both stupid, servile, and craven. But I will acknowledge that Bush W did rather invent the first really NEW variant on war in a thousand years. Maybe more.

Knowing that the attack eminated from Afghanistan, he cunningly devised a counterattack on Iraq. Kind of a counterintuitive counterattack. And the reasons for this remain classified apparently.  They are certainly mystifying.

And so the Iraq war. But he introduced some truly disruptive new innovations he’s never been correctly credited with.

First, we took OUR women to the battlefield WITH US. Claire McCaskill’s war on women started by insisting they be INCLUDED in the army. No testosterone.  Not virile.  Not strong.  But somehow equal and really should be part of the group of virile young men sent to wage war.  Like men.  But female. A kinder gentler army. Be all you can be.

And the second innovation was that we took OUR GOLD with us too, transporting it to the battlefield.

And on arrival, we immediately began raping OUR OWN women, and rebuilding the enemies buildings with OUR gold. Indeed we built power plants and roads,  oil infrastructure, schools, hospitals, airports, all the things going curiously into decay in the U.S.A. We completely rebuilt THEIR infrastructure with all new. The very best and the very latest.

In this war there is no recorded incident of a single Iraqi woman even being insulted. The MeToo crowd would have been completely comfortable there as Iraqis. No harrassment. No leering comments. Nada.

But about 90% of the American female “warriors” we took with us lost the battle to keep the American military out of their pants.  The estimates of the percentages of female warriors “raped” by their comrades in arms has no apparent limit but is also dreadfully confused by the propensity for consensual sex to also delay military activities – often. McCaskill was duly shocked and outraged and held numerous Senate hearings to draw attention to the scope of the problem right up to the point where they realized the scope of the problem, at which point the entire topic was dropped and simply disappeared from the news narrative.

And then, without really declaring victory, or in the alternative surrendering, we simply went home – $6 Trillion freaking dollars later.

What kind of war is that? We had 4,424 total American deaths (including both killed in action and non-hostile) and 31,952 wounded. But no pregnancies. And we deposited $6 TRILLION of OUR gold in Iraq.

And through a cunning combination of birth control and abortion, our women didn’t even generally go full term – lost opportunity of for example a female warrior from Indiana at least picking up some DNA from Queens. We actually went home entirely empty handed.

An interviewer once asked George W what he did to relieve the unbearable stress of being a war time president. His answer surprised the Interviewer when he replied that he liked to listen to opera in the afternoon. “What kind of opera?” was the follow-on question of course. “Oprah Winfrey at 3:00 – like everybody else…” And so now you know the rest of the story. He did not consciously refashion war into idiocy. He was able and equipped to do it naturally and without effort.

And so while I do think some change is in order in the nature, process and approach to war in the modern age, I’m not sure George’s vision is going to get us there. To misparaphrase if not malign Churchill, “Never have so few, owed so much, to so many American taxpayers, to accomplish so little, in the history of war…”

I suppose Obama’s approach of signing a peace treaty with a neighboring Iran that we never were quite at war with to begin with might provide a contretemps?? I’m not sure. Our payment of reparations really confuses the issue. Was it technically a surrender or simply an armistice? Were we allowed to keep our sword? Since we had no wounded it is a little murky if we were allowed to remove them from the field.

As I like Mexicans and think we need more of them, love free trade, and think we should give Detroit back to the Native Americans such as Elizabeth Warren, and of course eschew pipelines, coal, oil, and other toxic substances, you would think Trump and I would just be like oil and water, or at least oil and sunshine. Rather not. I deeply admire the guy. In circular and poetic fashion we have numerous people accusing him of being an idiot, a form of self confession and admission of idiocy. I call it the “Catch 85”. If you think Trump is an idiot, you are probably about 85 or lower on the IQ scale.

He has process, style, and a brilliant mind. He doesn’t let ideology get in the way of any of that. And he has a truly new fresh approach to war that I find deeply original, peculiarly effective and elegantly artistic. And as always, it is because he has a visceral grasp, a gut feel for America and Americans and what makes America great. He SHOULD get a Nobel Prize. But not for peace. For war.

Americans are and always have been a war loving country, but not deeply so. We are outraged by injustice and misbehaviour and evil around the world and at every evidence of cowardly wrong doing, our immediate reaction is to play Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A” pound our chests, and threaten to go kick some ass. A good ol American ass whoopin to show those who’s boss.

Lot’s of huffing and puffing and braggadocio. But long drawn out affairs resulting in children being maimed and crippled and having to endure family separations for weeks or even months or years is not our style. Body bags just don’t work for Americans. John Wayne never used body bags. Zorro got in, made his Z, and got to hell out.

And so the whole concept of massing up a few hundred thousand virile young men and sending them overseas to rape our own women for years on end just doesn’t work any more.

The new war is Video. Youtube. Prime Time. Pay-Per-View. And Trump is with it. Indeed, it could be said he invented it, credit to the Bush dynasty notwithstanding. George H.W. kind of got it. George W definitely did not.

You see we really CAN keep the good parts and command eject the bad parts of war. In this new video war scenario, we reduce the whole thing to the necessary basics.

1. Announce you are offended and do a lot of breast beating and playing of Lee Greenwood and how we are going to kick some ass here. Allow this to crescendo to a peak.

2. Alert the media and give them locations and times so they can correctly position their cameras.

3. Get our own military satellite observation equipment set up for the event.

4. Let a lot of young guys fly around in helicopters and blow shit up for a few hours. They really enjoy that.

5. Then use drones and cruise missiles to deliver a massive amount of incendiary ordnance on the announced evil target. Huge explosions.  Smoke. Fire. Noise.

6. Run the whole thing in prime time.

7. We’re done. Declare victory. Go home, Prepare for the next war.

Now if you want to hone this thing to a fine art, you need to add some powdered aluminum and copper and manganese to the cruise missile ordnance pack to get a little more color into the explosions. That’s how all the New York Italian fireworks families do it. They may be a little leery of a consulting gig after Hillerary stiffed them on her victory celebration event contract. But Trump knows people. How yous doing.

We obviously need 8k video. I don’t think 4k does it justice.  That means bandwidth. Musk’s SkyNet shows up just in time for this new age of war. Approved by the FCC two weeks ago.

And we need to more carefully schedule the attacks for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights (American Idol days excepted of course).  Prime time is the rule.  Americans need to work during the day and we don’t really want to entirely ruin the weekend.  Show the strikes Thursday and Friday evenings and show the damage and have talking head opinions on what it all means Saturday evening.

The whole concept here is to sell more MyPillow and OxyClean and give Flo a bit of badly needed exposure for her new and never boring Progressive Insurance message. I know I never tire of it. Think FlexiSeal.

Imagine drone cameras ALL around the strike zone. Multiple drone cameras around every ship. GoPro’s on F-18’s and F-35s. Surround sound. Teach them freakin ISIS Jihadists a thing or too about MyPillow and the various insurance products available to them. They can get FULL replacement value you know. No wait, that’s LIBERTY insurance – how appropriate.

In the end, the mission is not a single American wounded. Nobody even pregnant beyond those who stayed at home that night to watch on television. And CNN, the born of war built by war network, pretty much HAS to support Trump at that point.

Well what about signaling the enemy of our intentions?

What are they going to do about it? Evacuate? Who cares? We don’t really need to KILL people for this to work. We want to blow shit up. Kick some ass. You know. Muraga bah gawd. We don’t really care about the enemy and whether or not they are wounded or even if any of their “innocent” civilians get killed. But if they have sense enough to get to hell out of town after we’ve TOLD them what town and time in advance, what do we care? The town is still leveled. Plenty of smoke and noise. We’ve made our point. Hell we can even claim to have WON the war. Who’s to question it? If they do, we’ll whack them too.

It is well known truism that you cannot win a war by bombing – you must occupy the ground. But we don’t want the ground. We don’t want regime change, nation building, or a 51st state. We just want to vent our displeasure and offer motivation toward the “No better friend, no worse enemy” view of the United States.

If you notice on the latest Syrian missiledrama, the Soviet Union and the bully “strongman” Putin blustered and threatened World War III.  But when the shooting started, they slithered quietly out of town and we’ve not heard a word since. Who’s going to go head-to-head in a shooting war with the United States of America? They just don’t have the video cameras and audio firepower to even think of going against us. No real distribution and really no monetization of video at all. And their ad rates are comical. You can get a 2 minute commercial on the Russian superbowl for a little over $35. Their “state run” TV can’t even pay for itself, much less fund video war.

WE are the video superpower of the planet. We can swap DNA on the weekends with booked trips and political junkets and international conferences. We no longer need war to do that OR to blow up rat infested buildings. But NOBODY does Video the way America does Video. Even our SONGS, which could easily be audio, are now video. We’ve got 14-year-olds making a living on YouTube.

I believe that is what “the dear respected supreme leader” Kim Jong Un of North Korea suddenly and viscerally came to understand during the winter olympics, particularly after his little sister boxed his ears and told him to smarten the f*** up.

And that IS what all the SMILING is about with South Korea’s president Moon Jae-in – president of the country that IS the single largest manufacturer of big-screen flat-screen television sets IN THE WORLD.

And that IS what the President Xi Jinping of China summoned him to Beijing to personally deliver the message that the Americans actually believe they can pull a larger prime time viewer share with a launch on North Korea THAN COUPLES FREE STYLE FIGURE SKATING.  I’m not saying it would but it has a shot.  And the important part is THEY think it might – particularly among that very valuable 25-54 year-old viewer demographic.

The United States and the Soviet Union partitioned Korea at the 38th parallel in 1946. North Korea was the industrial manufacturing portion of the country and South Korea was the relatively impoverished agricultural portion.

In 1950 North Korea invaded South Korea in a Soviet backed attempt to “reunify” the peninsula. We responded.

What a difference a scant 68 years makes. Today, South Korea enjoys the highest standard of living in Asia with an average per capita income of some $33,500 and a penchant for luxury condos and elegant automobiles.   North Korea features an average annual per capita income of $1800 and they eat sticks. You can have stick soup, stick stew, baked stick, broiled stick, barbecued stick, planked stick, stir fried stick or even stick on a stick.  But you get sticks to eat.  The SOUTH is now the industrial power of all Asia and the North is reduced to an agricultural backwater so impoverished that their main crop is sticks.  And so that’s what they eat. There is no finer example of the contrast between capitalism and communism.  The “unintended consequence” of communism is that you get sticks for dinner.

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This means WAR!!! 8:00 Eastern. 7:00 Central. Be there. Don’t touch that dial! Actually we don’t have dials anymore but you get the intended meaning….

Do not misunderstand, you do STILL have a biological obligation as a young virile male to travel the world and spread that DNA as widely as possible.  But you need not cough up a limb for the privilege.  There are modern human peaceful means to spawn little half breed darlings without spending years in exile from your family and loved ones.  Golf trips spring to mind.

And in this light you start to see the genius of Donald Trump.  He gets it all.  The DNA, the gorgeous women, the golf, the video war, the whole thing.  He’s a visionary modernist with a plan for the future. And certainly an example worth emulating.  I would nominate him for the Nobel Peace Prize, or perhaps the Nobel War Prize, or …….something….

Jack Rickard